Because Grandma is Short

A few nights ago, as I was rocking the Little One before bedtime, he grabs my hand in the dark and starts touching each of my fingers in turn.  After a few minutes, he identifies each one as a member of our family.

I'm laughing a little as he's naming each of my fingers.  I wasn't surprised until he got to my thumb, the one he named last.  I asked him why Grandma was my thumb, and he said, "Because she is short."  I laughed until tears rolled down my face.  I'm pretty impressed that he made these correlations, I mean, with the exception of Grandma somehow being shorter than the boys, the proportions are accurate.

Then I find out that, while babysitting the Bean, Grandma was informed that if she had an iPad, it would only have games on it like his does, (not "everything" like Mommy's) because she's short like him.

Grandma isn't very tall, but she's definitely taller than the boys, at least for a little while longer.  The pediatrician tells me that I shouldn't be surprised if they reach between 6' 4" and 6' 6" before they are done growing.  I guess that means my husband and I will become the ring finger and pinky, respectively, and the boys will be the index and middle.  

Grandma is still the thumb, though…  

Boo!

This is not a Halloween post.  Although, now that I think about it, the following may have been inspired by all the Halloween stories, projects, and decorating going on in our house.

Early this morning - 4am, to be exact - the Bean comes into my room and wakes me up.

"Mommy? I had a bad dream."
"Ok, sweetheart.  Let me get up.  Do you need to go potty, while you're awake?"
"Yes, I'll go in your bathroom."

He trips off into the bathroom as I drag my groggy body out of bed and try to get upright.  After he's finished, I go in.  I hear him click on the light in the main part of the bathroom and I wince, because I know I'm going to be blinded the minute I open the door between us.

As I'm staggering out of the bathroom, eyes half shut and reaching for the light switch, I call out into my bedroom, "I'm coming, love.  Let's get you back to bed."

At that point, from my right, where the bathtub is, he jumps up and yells, "BOO!"

I swear I thought I was having a heart attack.  I yelped, jumped, and then burst into tears.  All in the same three seconds.

"That was NOT NICE!  Get your stuffed animals and get back to your room!"  I did take him back to bed, and tuck him in and kiss him.  I'm not a complete ogre.

Later in the morning, I talked to my husband on the phone and told him what happened.  After he finished laughing, long and hard, he gently pointed out that I may have overreacted a bit.  "I'm sure he thought he was being funny, and I can just picture his little face after you yelled at him."

Now, I'm feeling horrible and guilty as hell.  My husband's right!  He thought he was doing something funny and cute and I shouted at him like a horrible, well, ogre.

I go down to his bedroom, where I can hear him playing quietly with his brother, pretending they aren't getting up too early.  I walk in, sit down on the floor, and pull him into my lap.

"Sweetheart, do you remember what happened during the night?  When you said, 'BOO!' and scared me?"

He giggled a little.  "Yes, Mommy."

"Well, I'm sorry I shouted at you.  You really scared me and I wasn't quite awake yet and I know you were just trying to be funny."  I kissed him and he snuggled into my arms for a hug.  So sweet.

Then...

"Mommy, I really scared you!  You thought I was in your room, but I wasn't!  I was hiding, and I made you jump and yell, because I scared you!!" And he's rolling on the floor laughing so hard he's snorting.

...

I called my husband back to tell him that his son was not, in fact, scarred by my overreaction.  That it just made it even funnier in his mind.  I was laughing, mind you, because this not the first time I've looked ridiculous to my children, and I'm positive it won't be the last.  They are pretty funny kids!

But next time he wakes me up in the middle of the night, I'll be ready for him.

If This Plane Lands in the Water...

Last weekend, my brother-in-law got married.  My boys were in the wedding (cutest ring-bearers in the history of the job, really), and my husband was the Best Man.  My job, besides doing one of the readings at the wedding ceremony, was to handle the ring-bearers and make sure they made it down the aisle, then sat quietly through Mass.  They did both admirably well, and my husband and I both heaved a sigh of relief when we made it to the end without any outbursts from our children.

The wedding was in Michigan.  My husband was already there (we're moving there soon, and he's been commuting from Florida for several months now), so I flew with the Bean and the Little One on last Wednesday evening.  They were amazing.  Charming, funny, talkative, cooperative...I could not have asked for a better experience.

We were on a large plane that was mostly empty.  There were maybe 30 people in the main cabin, which meant the boys could play with their tray tables and squirm in their seats without bothering anyone.  As we were preparing for takeoff, the lead flight attendant asks everyone to "please direct your attention to the overhead screens for a brief safety presentation."  Ordinarily, I ignore this.  I've flown enough times to know that in the event of an unexpected loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and that oxygen will be flowing, even if the bag doesn't inflate.  I also know that my seat cushion makes a handy flotation device in the event of a water landing.

Ordinarily, I said.  This was not an ordinary flight.  This was the first flight my kids noticed the video screen and paid attention.  My "mom antennae" were working overtime and I was already bracing myself for the questions.  The Little One didn't seem to care much.  He was examining the Sky Mall magazine, maybe working on his Christmas list.  I'm not sure.  I'm just glad he wasn't paying attention. The Bean was a different story altogether.

"Mommy? Do we have to wear a life vest to ride on a plane?  I thought those were for boats.  And why are those people on the TV wearing those funny masks on their faces?  Do we have to do that, too?  

Truth versus Anxiety-Free Trip...  Sorry, Truth.  There's no winning this one.  I completely dodged the question.  "Well, sweetheart, I've been on a lot of planes, and I've never had to use those things."  And then I gave him a bag of fruit snacks and told him to look at the all the things going on outside his window.

I turn to the Little One to answer his questions about products available for purchase from Sky Mall, and in the twenty seconds I wasn't looking at the Bean, he went rifling through the seat back pocket in front of him.  Of the thirteen things in there, what does he find to peruse?  The Safety Information Card.  Yay!

"Mommy?  Look at this.  Why is this a picture of an airplane parked in the water?  This is not a seaplane.  It cannot land on the water, Mommy. And why do they need boats?"  He wasn't upset, just confused about why the artist chose to show an airplane in the water with giant inflatable life rafts all around it.  As I stuttered and tried to think of a better answer than my previous one, he continued.  "Mommy!  Are you looking at this?  If this plane lands in the water, the people on it are not going to be able to get where they are going and they are not going to be happy."

The only thing going through my head was, If this plane lands in the water, we have bigger problems than how were going to get to our final destination!   I didn't say that.

Instead, I said, "Wow.  It's getting loud in here.  I think we're about to take off.  Want some more fruit snacks?"

Laugh at me, scold me for not telling him the truth, whatever... I'm just thrilled to say we made it through the two and half hour flight that landed 30 minutes ahead of schedule (which was still an hour beyond their normal bedtime) and both of my children were happy.  

When my husband picked us up at baggage claim, the boys hurled themselves off the escalator and into his arms, screaming, "DADDY!!!!" to a chorus of "awwwww"s coming from everyone around. 

The Bean announced later that night, "We rode a shuttle bus, an airplane, and a monorail train, Daddy picked us up at the airport, and now we're going to Grandma and Grandpa's house.  This is the best day of my life!"

Mission complete.